I Hate Halloween

I know some people absolutely love Halloween, and go all out for it – the costumes, the decorations, the candy –
but I am not a fan.

As an ACOA (Adult Child of Alcoholics), I spent years of my life hiding behind a mask, in order to cope in the environment in which I was raised and schooled, and I’m not keen to put one back on, even if it’s for a holiday.

Things aren’t okay?  Put on a mask and pretend everything is.  Didn’t know the answer to something? Put on a mask and pretend I do – or even lie to convince someone that I do – so I didn’t look stupid, and get shamed for not knowing.  Need help?  Put on a mask and pretend I don’t;  just figure it out all by myself and be completely self-sufficient, so I don’t look weak, and I don’t need anyone.

It took me years of hard work in recovery and therapy to finally remove my mask and show up authentically, so you’ll forgive me if I have no desire to put one back on.

Did I like getting candy as a kid?  Of course I did!  But my sugar addiction started young, so there was no such thing as moderation when it came to eating Halloween candy.  As a result, I had more November 1st stomach aches that I can even remember.

Some people like the creepiness and tricks that happen on Halloween, or watching scary movies, but most ACOAs like me hate both of them.  We don’t like startling surprises because there were far too many of them in our youth, and we don’t like feeling powerless and anxious about things we can’t predict.

If you don’t like Halloween either, there are many other lovely holidays this time of year.  Samhain (pronounced So-wen) – the Celtic New Year – is a wonderful time to review your year, and go inward as we prepare for the winter.  There is a belief that the veil between the worlds is thin, and so All Hallows Eve (the origin of the term Halloween) is a time of honoring our ancestors and loved ones who have passed on.  Similarly, in the Mexican culture, November 1st is Dia de los Muertos – Day of the Dead – when there are altars built, and candles lit to honor those who have passed. And this year, Diwali – the Indian Festival of Lights – coincides with Halloween and Samhain, and as the amount of light in our days is waning, we could all use more light!

If a day of pretend and dress up is fun for you, I get it.  But if it’s not your thing, I get you.