Changing the conserve

As a psychodramatist, so much of my life’s work has been about helping people change, helping them find a new way in the world, or what in psychodrama we call changing the conserve. A conserve is something that is fixed. It could be a piece of music like Beethoven’s Ninth Symphony, or something like the Mona Lisa.

It could be a norm in our society, like stopping at a red light. And while conserves can be inspiring, and they can be really beneficial, the truth is they can also keep us limited and stuck. So for example, if you’ve grown up in an environment where you had to go along to get along, to not ruffle any feathers, to not speak up, to not set any boundaries, just to keep yourself safe, then you’d likely have a really hard time speaking up or expressing an opinion that’s not particularly popular.

So as a result of that, you probably learned how to disconnect from your emotions, from your body, at a very young age. So much so that you wouldn’t even know that you’re upset at something, because you’re so disconnected from it. So that’s a conserve that may have been “normal.”

It may have been a conserve that’s been normal for you, but the truth is, it served you at that time, but it’s not serving you anymore. Anxiety is often a huge barrier to change, because doing the same thing is predictable, and it feels safer than the unknown. So, unlike most other therapeutic modalities, the goal of psychodrama isn’t about lowering anxiety, it’s about raising spontaneity.

Now, the way that Dr. JL. Moreno, who was the creator of psychodrama, defined spontaneity is the ability to come up with a new response to an old situation, or to come up with an adequate response to a new one. I’ll say that again…

A new response to an old situation, or an adequate response to a new one.

I want you to notice that the definition isn’t saying that you have to have a perfect response, but rather it’s saying that you are going to try to have an adequate one. It’s one of my favorite things about the language in psychodrama, is that it’s really inviting.

So, if you have grown up not ruffling any feathers, you’re probably not going to go straight from noticing that it’s not okay, to being able to set boundaries or speak up. That would be a huge change in the conserve. But a shift in your spontaneity might start with you realizing that you’re annoyed, maybe by the way that somebody speaks to you or by the way that somebody’s treating you.

Already, that awareness is changing the conserve, because you’re giving yourself permission to feel what you’re feeling rather than pushing it down like you always have. So conserves are meant to change as our society changes and evolves and as we change and evolve. What served me as a child, what served me in my 20’s or 30’s, no longer serves me.

And so I can change, I can grow and I can continue to reinvent myself. So I started a weekly podcast that will be about 5 to 10 minutes every week. And there, I share information with you about a variety of topics, and then post them here, for those who prefer to read them. If you’d rather listen to the podcast, there’s an embedded at the bottom of this post.

I’ll be podcasting and writing about therapy, psychodrama, trauma resolution, body work, spirituality, astrology, who knows? When I have permission to keep changing the conserve, anything can happen.

And at the end of every post (and at the end of every podcast), I’m going to invite you to ponder a question for the week.

This week’s question: what is one small achievable action that you can take in your life to change a conserve that is no longer serving you? 

If there’s a topic that you want me to cover in a future post, feel free to send me a message. And thanks for reading.

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